Just some thoughts

For the past five days I have watched many news stories on the shootings in Newton. I have heard politicians discuss gun control and laws more than I have heard about the poor victims and their families. I have seen people post many different things on Facebook about what they think about guns and mental illness. From all of that, I decided to post my thoughts on the situation.

The shooting in Newton was a sad, horrible tragedy. One that probably could have been prevented, but ultimately wasn't. Evil works that way unfortunately. No one is sure what the back story is on Adam Lanza. He and his mother are both dead, and I haven't heard his father speak about him. That may or may not change, and honestly it doesn't change what happened. Who Adam Lanza was won't prevent further evil in this world even if it might give insight to this particular tragedy.

I stand behind the right to own guns. I don't currently own any, but I have in the past. I love the way a gun feels in my hands. I love the rush of shooting at targets. I love that, if I so choose, I can do this any time I want. I am an expert shot on the M-16, and I'm not bad with a handgun either. My husband does not like guns. He too is an expert shot on the M-16, but he has no love for guns. Because we have five children, we have no guns in our home. I am not opposed to teaching them the proper way to handle and shoot, but we have chosen not to at this time.

I am appalled by the number of people out there who show such contempt for those who are diagnosed with a mental illness. I have seen people write about how they all need to be institutionalized. I have seen people write that the system is broken. I have seen people write that those with mental illness have no moral compass (this one in particular got me going). I have seen a whole lot of bashing and very little compassion. It makes me wonder if any of these people have ever known anyone with a mental illness; a parent, sibling, friend or child. Have they never loved someone like this? My guess would be no....based solely on their lack of compassion. 

I have a child with a diagnosed mental illness. I gave birth to her, fed her, and rocked her to sleep at night as an infant. I have taught her right from wrong, manners, sarcasm and how to laugh at herself when needed. I have sat with her in a hospital waiting for admission on the scariest day of my life while she calmly told the doctor she didn't want to live. I sat in her therapist's office and heard the words bi-polar and almost passed out. Through it ALL I have loved her fiercely, with all that I am. When I read what people think of those with mental illness I want to smack them! My child would give you the clothes off her back even it was all she owned. She loves Jesus and wants others to know who He is. Her compassion for others astounds me. There have been hospital stays, she has to take medication for stability, and she has a temper, but that doesn't define her....her heart does. Do I think that she should someday be allowed to own a gun, I can't answer that. There are to many things to take into consideration. It is not cut and dry like the media would like for us to believe. 

As for the system, there are options. It isn't broken in the way people would like to believe. There are resources out there for those who are willing to accept them. What's broken is the way we think, as a whole. There is such a stigma on mental illness that even when parents can see an issue they won't seek care. Heaven forbid someone find out that they, or someone they love has a mental disorder. I'm not saying that I wear my daughter's illness as a badge of pride, I'm saying that I stuffed my own pride and got her help. She takes daily meds, goes to therapy twice a month and has special accommodations in school. It works for everyone involved. It helps her, and it helps those who interact with her. Since her diagnosis we have had two different insurances. BOTH have paid for her care with very little out of pocket expense for us. My responsibility as a parent is to teach her the importance of therapy and medication so she carries it through adulthood. Educating her on the importance will help her be better maintained once she is grown.

All of this to say that the phrases "mental illness" and "gun violence" are not synonymous. They are not interchangeable. One does not mean the same as the other. To assume that they are is idiotic. This is not the time to discuss gun legislation or mental health issues though. It is not the time to debate over more or less guns, or to decide how to ensure those who need help get it. It is the time to lift up the families of the 26 victims in prayer. They don't need our indignation or our excuses or our suppositions.....they need prayer. There is evil in this world. It will remain until Jesus returns. We cannot stop it with our laws and indignation...only He can stop it...when He chooses too. 

Books

i.love.them. seriously. I could read every book in the library and then start over and do it again. Every week or so I go and check out 10-20 books. I read EVERYTHING! Right now I'm on  Karen Kingsbury kick. I'm also reading James Patterson, Nicholas Sparks, Lisa Jackson, Francine Rivers....and craft books, and books about starting my own business, and all kinds of things. I seriously love books. I love getting into the story lines. The characters become real people to me. I laugh with them, I cry with them, and when the book is finished I feel an emptiness. I think that's why I read a lot of series. I'm reading both the Alex Cross books and the Women's Murder Club books by James Patterson. I'm also reading The Baxter family series by Karen Kingsbury. This series I really like because it is set in the town I grew up in....Bloomington, Indiana. I love seeing the place come alive in the eyes of the author.

Today I read a book that spoke to me on levels I can't even begin to describe. It left me sobbing. Literally. It spoke to a place and time I have tried for 21 years not to think about. It made me see a time in my life in a totally different light, and from a totally different point of view. It has me wanting to go back and do things differently, to make a different choice, to have a different outcome. Rationally I know that isn't possible. What is possible though is to apologize, ask forgiveness and forgive. Now to find the courage :)

In the author's note at the end of the book she mentioned another book along the same lines. I plan to read it too. I need to read another person's take on the subject. I need to feel not so alone in this. I need to be able to do what needs to be done and move on. Don't get me wrong, I have done my personal business with God on the issue, but I have never gone to the other person. I've never had the courage....emotionally. I think now I do....

October is...

Breast Cancer Awareness month. It's a month of teaching women how to do self exams and when to seek medical care. There are fundraising walks and the NFL wears pink shoes. I love it. Having lost my dear friend to this horrible disease, I fully support all that is done in trying to not only make women aware, but also in research for a cure.

October is also Domestic Violence Awareness month. Did you know? It isn't talked about as much as breast cancer, but it kills 3 women every day. Every 9 seconds a woman is assaulted by a boyfriend or spouse. Up to 10 million children witness this every year. Those are some sad statistics. And to me, they are very personal.

I spent 4 years in an abusive relationship. I think I knew before the wedding that it would be that way, but I was sure I could change him. I had known him, at that point, for half my life. There was no question of love because we did love each other. I knew his background. I knew he was raised in less than ideal conditions.....and I was going to rescue him. It wasn't long after our honeymoon that I realized I was in over my head, but I still thought I could rescue him.

Over those 4 years I left and returned a few times, had 2 beautiful daughters, and finally realized you can't rescue someone who doesn't want to be rescued. I still can't talk about much of what happened during those years. Eleven years later, I still occasionally have nightmares.

Domestic violence is a cause that is worth fighting. I long to help others who are in abusive relationships and help them realize they are not alone and they can get out. It isn't easy, but it is possible.

I will wear pink this month in support for breast cancer awareness....and I will also wear purple in support of domestic violence awareness. I will donate to both causes because both are dear to me. I will educate my sons and daughters about both causes because I believe it will change the future. And, I will pray for all those affected because ultimately God is in control.

Listen.....

Life is hectic. When you have 4 kiddos between the ages of 11 and 14, it is VERY hectic. Between school activities, church activities and family activities, there is very rarely down time. Recently on Pinterest I found the above quote. It was like getting punched in the gut. Seriously.

There have been so many times when the kids have said "Hey mom!" and I have replied in a minute, and then never asked them what they wanted. I'm not proud of it, I'm just stating a fact. There have been other times when I have stopped everything to listen to one of their silly stories. The quote made me realize I need to stop more and not ask them to give me a minute.

As I am writing this, The Informant is sitting next to me talking about her day at school. She is showing me the apps on her iPad, and her graded posts on Edmodo. I could tell her to hold on while I finish typing, but I keep stopping to pay attention to her. As she grows older I want her to continue to talk to me. I want her to continue to share with me. I want her to know that she is more important than what I am typing.

Fun Times at the Pool....

There are a group of adults that live here at our apartment complex that seem to greatly dislike children. Any time we get to the pool and they are there I do an inward cringe. This group has, in the past, told my children to stop being loud when they are in the pool. Now, I should probably say that my kids aren't overly loud or obnoxious in the pool, they are just having fun. It's a big pool and my only rule to them is to be respectful of those in the pool with them, and don't splash those around the pool.

So, today we get there and I tell David that I have a speech prepared in case they tell my kids to be quiet again. He says he wants to hear it. So I tell him...and he tells me good one and to write it down. So here I am, writing it down. I didn't get to say it, and that's probably for the best actually because I really am not big on confrontation and I have to live here.

If they had said something today I would have apologized first for my children acting like children....because you know, how dare they. :) Then I would have told them that while I'm sorry that my children offended them by being children (GASP!) I have been polite enough, time after time, not to say a word about the music they play loudly while they are at the pool, which is offensive to me. Nor have I mentioned the fact they are not small women, but insist on wearing string bikinis that wouldn't cover my big toe. I have also overlooked their chain smoking and beer drinking even though that is also not something I think they should do at a family pool. Then I would have thanked them for bringing it to my attention that my children were enjoying the pool and to have a nice day.

Now....I would not have really said all that to them...I am a bigger person than that. It felt good to think it though :) David and I had a giggle over it and then got back to playing in the pool with the kids....because after all....isn't one supposed to have fun in the pool?!

Craft Blog

I've decided to start a craft blog. I just did an introduction post today. I plan to share some of the projects I do for others to try. I know not everyone is crafty, so I hope I can make things seem easy enough for others to try. If you would like to follow along, here is the link http://scrap-a-daisy.blogspot.com


Let me know what you think and invite your friends!

Being a Witness

I wonder if when we decide to live as Christians if we truly get what this means. I know that I have failed miserably over the years in my own witness. I am more concious these days about it than I used to be for sure. I think the longer we are Christians one of two things can happen, we either get better at it, or we get complacent about it. I pray I never get complacent!

I think one of the reasons it's been on my mind lately is because I keep seeing all these posts about reading a particular book or seeing a certain movie....from my Christian friends. It kind of blew me away. I wonder what those they have been witnessing too think when they read those posts?

Then my mind goes to their children. If we are trying to raise our children up to have morals and values that coincide with the Bible, what do they think when they see us or hear us with this kind of material? How can we tell our teenagers to wait for marriage if they see us reading or watching what amounts to porn? How can we make sure that they have a solid foundation of Christ's love if they see us "worshipping" flesh? There was a time when I would have jumped on seeing that movie, or reading that book...but then Jesus found me and my relationship with Him is so much more.

Reflecting....

I posted this picture as my profile picture on facebook last week. It was the 1 year anniversary of putting my boy on a bus for basic training. As I was looking at the picture I was struck by the fact that the word respect is in the background. It made me think about how much my relationship with my son has changed over the last year.

I became David's mom when he was 9. I didn't want him to think of me as the evil step-mother, so my relationship with him has always been a little different than with the smaller kids. We were always close. He talked, I listened and vice versa. Until about 18 months ago....everything changed. He started being less talkative and would become angry instead. It broke my heart, but I remembered being his age and I let it pass....unless I needed to address it. At one point during the first few months we had a conversation about respect and how it is earned not given, but that you have to show it even if the person hasn't earned it. I told him it was okay if he didn't respect me personally, but that he still had to respect my decisions as long as he still lived at home. He seemed to get it and life went on.

The time between his graduation and the day he left for basic were some of the hardest days for us. He threatened to move out, told his dad he couldn't stand me, and many other things. Now, I admit I have made mistakes over the years as a parent. Those who don't are idiots, but I was doing my best to let him be who he wanted to be. During this time there were many times I had to include people who hated me in activities because they were important to him. It was hard! I am not even going to lie! In my prayer time I always prayed for his eyes to be open to the manipulation of these people....I am still praying the same prayer. For the record, I would complain profusely to my husband about those inclusion times....behind closed doors after the kids went to bed. I didn't like it one bit, but I did it....gracefully in public, not so gracefully in private. Did I mention I'm far from perfect?! Well, I am.

So, back to the picture....I love this picture. Can you tell we love each other?! I think it's the last "happy" picture we have together, just the 2 of us. It makes me happy and sad at the same time. I was so proud of him that day! We had just been to his Turning Blue ceremony where he got his infantry cord. He had accomplished something great and I honestly had never been prouder.

My boy doesn't talk to me anymore....he's made it clear that I am to stay out of his life. There are those that think this is awesome because they don't like me. It just leaves me sad. No matter what I love him. He is my son. My oldest child. I am still proud of him for his service to this country. I respect his decision to cut me out. I will continue to pray for opened eyes for him.

Parenting in the Technology Age

Parenting is not easy. In this age of technology it has become even more difficult in some respects. As phones, mp3 players, and handheld gaming devices become more internet friendly, we parents must become more educated. We have a responsibility to know what the apps are, what the cheats are, and how to make sure our parental internet controls are secure. We need to do our research on the devices our children are asking for. Look up what the security settings are. Look up what apps are available. Check out the technology we are being asked to buy.

When we allow these devices into our homes and the hands of our children we need to make sure they know the rules. Write up a contract and you all sign it. Hold them accountable. Let them know that you will be monitoring their calls and texts. Let them know you will randomly ask for their devices and look through their histories. Let them know the consequences for breaking the rules. And follow through. Yes, it's easier to let our children have phones so we can keep in touch with them. Yes, it's easier to get them iPods so we don't have to listen to several radios at once. Yes, it's easier to just believe that they will follow the rules and we can trust them. But that isn't responsible parenting.

This topic is such a burden on my heart lately. I have busted my children misusing technology. I have had to make tough choices and learn things I didn't really want to so I could protect them better. I continue to learn new things all the time about how parents can be fooled and the rules broken. We live in a scary world where grown ups troll the internet for young people to lure in. We have to be the type of parents who are vigilant in protecting our children. This means being aware of their online activities. It means being aware of the apps they have on their devices. It means caring enough to KNOW what they are doing, and randomly checking up on them.

This week....

has been the hardest. week. ever. Seriously. Don't ask me the details because if I want you to know, than I already told you. If you know, and it didn't come from my mouth, then that's a problem. It's not that I'm embarrassed, or trying to be super private (because we all know I tell everything I know), or because I don't like you...or you...or you over there. It's because some things just don't need to be shouted from the rooftops. Some things belong in the confines of a family and a few close, trust worthy, praying friends.

This week I have learned that sometimes you just don't know how much someone is hurting. You don't always know when a normal behavior isn't really all that normal. You don't always know that those smiles and laughter are covering more pain than you can imagine. And you never know when someone will take that step over the edge and hope that someone cares enough to catch them.

This week I learned that mom's don't have all the answers. Most times they don't even know all the questions. They can't kiss every boo-boo and make it go away, and they can't always scare away the boogie man. Sometimes they don't even know there is a boogie man to scare away, or a boo-boo to kiss. Mom's aren't superhuman (although we feel like it most of the time).

This week I learned that I am not as strong as I thought I was. That there are things that can still knock the wind out of my sails, and waves that feel like they are tipping the boat over. I learned that sometimes I can be taken completely by surprise, in a bad way. I learned that I am not fearless....I am actually pretty scared.

This week I learned that my God is big enough to cover it all. That no matter what I have learned this week He still holds me close to Him. He can heal the hurting. He can catch the falling. He has the answers. He can be my strength. He can calm the storm and keep the boat from tipping. He can take my fear.



My theme song.

Something to Think About

As life has unfolded the past few weeks, I have been doing a lot of thinking. There are so many things going on at the moment that I'm surprised I have time to make cohesive thoughts, but that's the way life is sometimes. The biggest recurring thought recently is this: when we pray for our children, are we praying for their future spouses?

This is a topic that may seem off for a mom with children the age of mine, but it's one I think all parents should spend time on. When I pray for my children I pray for the man or woman God has for them. I pray that they will be discerning in their choices of boyfriends and girlfriends, and that they will always trust God when he says not this one. I pray that God will place the person in their path that will love them the way He does. The one that will love them unconditionally, for their whole lives. I also pray that each one of my children will be so immersed in their faith that they will know when that person crosses their path.

I also pray that I will be able to help guide them in their choices. I pray that while they are still in my home that we will be able to have honest open discussions about what kind of people they should be dating. I also pray that they will listen with open hearts and minds when I do not approve of someone they are dating. I pray that when I don't approve I will be able to give solid, unemotional answers to why.

I want to have the guts to know when to say no, and I want my kids to have the guts to trust me when I say no. Maybe I'm asking too much, and maybe I'm not.

New Year, New Goals

Is anyone else having problems believing we are in the year 2012? It just doesn't seem possible! Oh well, here we are so let's make the best of it. There are some big changes coming up for us this year. The Y Factor got a new job (PTL!) in South Carolina. I took all the kiddos (minus Soldier Boy) to visit this past week. We had such a great time exploring and making friends. The Informant was particularly excited that my friend....we'll call her Songbird....had a son her age. We went house hunting, school scoping and zoo exploring while we were there. The Deviant decided she wanted to go to a particular high school....because it looks like a castle!

Since things are a little crazy right now living in 2 states and trying to pack this house up and sell it while looking for a new home in a new town at the same time I told the Y Factor that I wanted to see the ocean for Christmas....so he took us!

Isn't it beautiful?!

Anyway, so on to new goals....I really must get this house on the market by the first of February....anyone interested in a 3 bed, 2 bath home on half an acre in a nice subdivision? Just let me know! Preparation include painting, packing, new windows and a mini kitchen remodel. I plan to be like Wonder Woman the next 4 weeks! I'm always open to volunteers to help too!

Another goal is to figure out how to help the Eccentric succeed in school. We have some testing coming up and hopefully we will get some answers and some insight. In conjunction with that is going to be a meeting with her teachers, guidance counselor and principal....that way they understand this momma means business.

Another huge goal is more family devotions. We all do our own thing and we talk about it all the time, but I just think we need to be talking to God and studying His word in a more disciplined manner. I've found a couple of good family devotions and can't wait to get started. I'm also going to start pray journals with the kids. They can write down what they want me to help them pray for and I can write my prayers for them. I think this will help them be more open and it will help me truly pray the desires of their hearts as well as mine.

I'm also on a mission to be more appreciative of the Y factor. I did a 30 day thing back in September and it made me realize that I need to tell Y Factor more often how much he means to me and to our family. I think this will strengthen our marriage during our separation and help us be closer than ever. And before you ask, no, we aren't having any problems, but there is always room for improvement.

One more thing I am going to try is turning my Scrap-A-Daisy website into a blog so that I can reach more people and get my name out into the blog world and pinterest. I think this makes the best business sense at this point. I need lots of prayers to stay on top of it though....in case you haven't noticed I'm not the best at posting in blogland! :)

That's all I can think of at the moment. I'm sure more things will come to me as the month goes on and I will try to post them as I think of them.

Happy Reading!