Changing Perspective

This week I started a project fully expecting it to be intense and tedious. I knew going in that it was a big project, and I came prepared. What I am getting out of it though is a great surprise.

You see, I signed up to clean a house from top to bottom. Not just any house, but a house that has not been cleaned in at least 6 months and is occupied by 1 person and 3 fur children. The fur children think they have to mark their territory all through the house which makes the cleaning process even more fun. My first impression of the owner of this home was that she is a sweet woman who just got overwhelmed by all that needs done.

Now to the surprise part...I am having so much FUN with this! The woman I am cleaning for is the sweetest, and she just speaks her mind. She could be me 30 years from now! I never would have thought that this type of deep, intense cleaning could be this much fun! Yes, there is dust and grime an inch thick on everything, and yes there is dog pee on all the corners of everything, but the fun I am having is worth it.

This project will likely take me at least 2 weeks to complete...at least the cleaning part....and then on to the organizing of her things to make it easier to clean in the future. I expect every hour I am there to be full of hard work and tons of fun!

Huh? Really?! I don't think so.......

Okay, so I get home from dance last night and there is a new message on the answering machine. Normally this is no big deal, but Thursday's are "special". You see, that's the day the Judge told my ex-husband that he could call our 2 girls. That was almost 8 years ago......and the Thursday night call hasn't happened in close to a year, and in the 3 years before that it happened about once every 6 months or so. I guess you could say that because he didn't feel the need to call on a regular basis I no longer feel the need to answer the phone.

Back to the point here...the message last night. Apparently this man who used to think a fun time was beating the tar out of me has found someone else willing to marry him. In his message he demanded that I bring the girls to his wedding in April. No "I would like to visit with them and introduce them to my fiance"...no "can the girls please attend the wedding"....just a flat "my girls will be at my wedding".

My first response was loud laughter! My second response was anger. Really?! After 4 years of not even an attempt to see these 2 precious children you want them at your wedding?! I Don't Think SO!!!

I know that sounds mean and maybe even vindictive, but it's not. For the first 2 years after our divorce I sent my sweet babies to supervised visitation every Sunday afternoon. I would spend the whole 4 hours in fear that he would hurt them somehow. When I remarried and moved away I had to let them go with him for 8 hours over the course of 2 days. And that was even harder. And then 4 years ago he just stopped. I hate to admit it, but I was happy! I no longer had to worry about their safety every time they were with him.

I would like to be able to be the kind of person that could just say okay, and drive them north 5 hours for this sham of a wedding, but the reality is that at this point in their lives, they have no real idea who he is. It would cause them to be confused and anxious, and I refuse to put them through that. Not to mention the fact that I know absolutely nothing about the person he is marrying, and would never allow her to be around my girls without meeting her first.

I feel better writing this all out. Sometimes it is therapeutic just to get down what is rumbling around in my mind!