Books

i.love.them. seriously. I could read every book in the library and then start over and do it again. Every week or so I go and check out 10-20 books. I read EVERYTHING! Right now I'm on  Karen Kingsbury kick. I'm also reading James Patterson, Nicholas Sparks, Lisa Jackson, Francine Rivers....and craft books, and books about starting my own business, and all kinds of things. I seriously love books. I love getting into the story lines. The characters become real people to me. I laugh with them, I cry with them, and when the book is finished I feel an emptiness. I think that's why I read a lot of series. I'm reading both the Alex Cross books and the Women's Murder Club books by James Patterson. I'm also reading The Baxter family series by Karen Kingsbury. This series I really like because it is set in the town I grew up in....Bloomington, Indiana. I love seeing the place come alive in the eyes of the author.

Today I read a book that spoke to me on levels I can't even begin to describe. It left me sobbing. Literally. It spoke to a place and time I have tried for 21 years not to think about. It made me see a time in my life in a totally different light, and from a totally different point of view. It has me wanting to go back and do things differently, to make a different choice, to have a different outcome. Rationally I know that isn't possible. What is possible though is to apologize, ask forgiveness and forgive. Now to find the courage :)

In the author's note at the end of the book she mentioned another book along the same lines. I plan to read it too. I need to read another person's take on the subject. I need to feel not so alone in this. I need to be able to do what needs to be done and move on. Don't get me wrong, I have done my personal business with God on the issue, but I have never gone to the other person. I've never had the courage....emotionally. I think now I do....

October is...

Breast Cancer Awareness month. It's a month of teaching women how to do self exams and when to seek medical care. There are fundraising walks and the NFL wears pink shoes. I love it. Having lost my dear friend to this horrible disease, I fully support all that is done in trying to not only make women aware, but also in research for a cure.

October is also Domestic Violence Awareness month. Did you know? It isn't talked about as much as breast cancer, but it kills 3 women every day. Every 9 seconds a woman is assaulted by a boyfriend or spouse. Up to 10 million children witness this every year. Those are some sad statistics. And to me, they are very personal.

I spent 4 years in an abusive relationship. I think I knew before the wedding that it would be that way, but I was sure I could change him. I had known him, at that point, for half my life. There was no question of love because we did love each other. I knew his background. I knew he was raised in less than ideal conditions.....and I was going to rescue him. It wasn't long after our honeymoon that I realized I was in over my head, but I still thought I could rescue him.

Over those 4 years I left and returned a few times, had 2 beautiful daughters, and finally realized you can't rescue someone who doesn't want to be rescued. I still can't talk about much of what happened during those years. Eleven years later, I still occasionally have nightmares.

Domestic violence is a cause that is worth fighting. I long to help others who are in abusive relationships and help them realize they are not alone and they can get out. It isn't easy, but it is possible.

I will wear pink this month in support for breast cancer awareness....and I will also wear purple in support of domestic violence awareness. I will donate to both causes because both are dear to me. I will educate my sons and daughters about both causes because I believe it will change the future. And, I will pray for all those affected because ultimately God is in control.

Listen.....

Life is hectic. When you have 4 kiddos between the ages of 11 and 14, it is VERY hectic. Between school activities, church activities and family activities, there is very rarely down time. Recently on Pinterest I found the above quote. It was like getting punched in the gut. Seriously.

There have been so many times when the kids have said "Hey mom!" and I have replied in a minute, and then never asked them what they wanted. I'm not proud of it, I'm just stating a fact. There have been other times when I have stopped everything to listen to one of their silly stories. The quote made me realize I need to stop more and not ask them to give me a minute.

As I am writing this, The Informant is sitting next to me talking about her day at school. She is showing me the apps on her iPad, and her graded posts on Edmodo. I could tell her to hold on while I finish typing, but I keep stopping to pay attention to her. As she grows older I want her to continue to talk to me. I want her to continue to share with me. I want her to know that she is more important than what I am typing.

Fun Times at the Pool....

There are a group of adults that live here at our apartment complex that seem to greatly dislike children. Any time we get to the pool and they are there I do an inward cringe. This group has, in the past, told my children to stop being loud when they are in the pool. Now, I should probably say that my kids aren't overly loud or obnoxious in the pool, they are just having fun. It's a big pool and my only rule to them is to be respectful of those in the pool with them, and don't splash those around the pool.

So, today we get there and I tell David that I have a speech prepared in case they tell my kids to be quiet again. He says he wants to hear it. So I tell him...and he tells me good one and to write it down. So here I am, writing it down. I didn't get to say it, and that's probably for the best actually because I really am not big on confrontation and I have to live here.

If they had said something today I would have apologized first for my children acting like children....because you know, how dare they. :) Then I would have told them that while I'm sorry that my children offended them by being children (GASP!) I have been polite enough, time after time, not to say a word about the music they play loudly while they are at the pool, which is offensive to me. Nor have I mentioned the fact they are not small women, but insist on wearing string bikinis that wouldn't cover my big toe. I have also overlooked their chain smoking and beer drinking even though that is also not something I think they should do at a family pool. Then I would have thanked them for bringing it to my attention that my children were enjoying the pool and to have a nice day.

Now....I would not have really said all that to them...I am a bigger person than that. It felt good to think it though :) David and I had a giggle over it and then got back to playing in the pool with the kids....because after all....isn't one supposed to have fun in the pool?!

Craft Blog

I've decided to start a craft blog. I just did an introduction post today. I plan to share some of the projects I do for others to try. I know not everyone is crafty, so I hope I can make things seem easy enough for others to try. If you would like to follow along, here is the link http://scrap-a-daisy.blogspot.com


Let me know what you think and invite your friends!

Being a Witness

I wonder if when we decide to live as Christians if we truly get what this means. I know that I have failed miserably over the years in my own witness. I am more concious these days about it than I used to be for sure. I think the longer we are Christians one of two things can happen, we either get better at it, or we get complacent about it. I pray I never get complacent!

I think one of the reasons it's been on my mind lately is because I keep seeing all these posts about reading a particular book or seeing a certain movie....from my Christian friends. It kind of blew me away. I wonder what those they have been witnessing too think when they read those posts?

Then my mind goes to their children. If we are trying to raise our children up to have morals and values that coincide with the Bible, what do they think when they see us or hear us with this kind of material? How can we tell our teenagers to wait for marriage if they see us reading or watching what amounts to porn? How can we make sure that they have a solid foundation of Christ's love if they see us "worshipping" flesh? There was a time when I would have jumped on seeing that movie, or reading that book...but then Jesus found me and my relationship with Him is so much more.

Reflecting....

I posted this picture as my profile picture on facebook last week. It was the 1 year anniversary of putting my boy on a bus for basic training. As I was looking at the picture I was struck by the fact that the word respect is in the background. It made me think about how much my relationship with my son has changed over the last year.

I became David's mom when he was 9. I didn't want him to think of me as the evil step-mother, so my relationship with him has always been a little different than with the smaller kids. We were always close. He talked, I listened and vice versa. Until about 18 months ago....everything changed. He started being less talkative and would become angry instead. It broke my heart, but I remembered being his age and I let it pass....unless I needed to address it. At one point during the first few months we had a conversation about respect and how it is earned not given, but that you have to show it even if the person hasn't earned it. I told him it was okay if he didn't respect me personally, but that he still had to respect my decisions as long as he still lived at home. He seemed to get it and life went on.

The time between his graduation and the day he left for basic were some of the hardest days for us. He threatened to move out, told his dad he couldn't stand me, and many other things. Now, I admit I have made mistakes over the years as a parent. Those who don't are idiots, but I was doing my best to let him be who he wanted to be. During this time there were many times I had to include people who hated me in activities because they were important to him. It was hard! I am not even going to lie! In my prayer time I always prayed for his eyes to be open to the manipulation of these people....I am still praying the same prayer. For the record, I would complain profusely to my husband about those inclusion times....behind closed doors after the kids went to bed. I didn't like it one bit, but I did it....gracefully in public, not so gracefully in private. Did I mention I'm far from perfect?! Well, I am.

So, back to the picture....I love this picture. Can you tell we love each other?! I think it's the last "happy" picture we have together, just the 2 of us. It makes me happy and sad at the same time. I was so proud of him that day! We had just been to his Turning Blue ceremony where he got his infantry cord. He had accomplished something great and I honestly had never been prouder.

My boy doesn't talk to me anymore....he's made it clear that I am to stay out of his life. There are those that think this is awesome because they don't like me. It just leaves me sad. No matter what I love him. He is my son. My oldest child. I am still proud of him for his service to this country. I respect his decision to cut me out. I will continue to pray for opened eyes for him.