Reflecting....

I posted this picture as my profile picture on facebook last week. It was the 1 year anniversary of putting my boy on a bus for basic training. As I was looking at the picture I was struck by the fact that the word respect is in the background. It made me think about how much my relationship with my son has changed over the last year.

I became David's mom when he was 9. I didn't want him to think of me as the evil step-mother, so my relationship with him has always been a little different than with the smaller kids. We were always close. He talked, I listened and vice versa. Until about 18 months ago....everything changed. He started being less talkative and would become angry instead. It broke my heart, but I remembered being his age and I let it pass....unless I needed to address it. At one point during the first few months we had a conversation about respect and how it is earned not given, but that you have to show it even if the person hasn't earned it. I told him it was okay if he didn't respect me personally, but that he still had to respect my decisions as long as he still lived at home. He seemed to get it and life went on.

The time between his graduation and the day he left for basic were some of the hardest days for us. He threatened to move out, told his dad he couldn't stand me, and many other things. Now, I admit I have made mistakes over the years as a parent. Those who don't are idiots, but I was doing my best to let him be who he wanted to be. During this time there were many times I had to include people who hated me in activities because they were important to him. It was hard! I am not even going to lie! In my prayer time I always prayed for his eyes to be open to the manipulation of these people....I am still praying the same prayer. For the record, I would complain profusely to my husband about those inclusion times....behind closed doors after the kids went to bed. I didn't like it one bit, but I did it....gracefully in public, not so gracefully in private. Did I mention I'm far from perfect?! Well, I am.

So, back to the picture....I love this picture. Can you tell we love each other?! I think it's the last "happy" picture we have together, just the 2 of us. It makes me happy and sad at the same time. I was so proud of him that day! We had just been to his Turning Blue ceremony where he got his infantry cord. He had accomplished something great and I honestly had never been prouder.

My boy doesn't talk to me anymore....he's made it clear that I am to stay out of his life. There are those that think this is awesome because they don't like me. It just leaves me sad. No matter what I love him. He is my son. My oldest child. I am still proud of him for his service to this country. I respect his decision to cut me out. I will continue to pray for opened eyes for him.